Scenario: Returning from Nags Head, NC, to Dulles Int. Air port, to drop off Ms. Kelly Po for flight back to San Fran, (to continue saga of Master Po, and Mrs. Po growing older). We leave Nags Head at 9:15 am and not have to be at Dulles till 6:00pm.
We not take road maps (outdated in today’s high tech world). Instead Kelly write down precise Google directions from internet. Mrs. Po also use reverse directions when we drive down to Outer Banks. (printed out from pc printer). Master Po use Christmas gift from Mrs. Po – a GPS system.
Lesson 1 learned on trip: Stay off any road with 95 on name. This include I95, 295, 395, 495 & any 95 year-old man driving in left lane in CRUISE, going 45mph.
Lesson 2: When whole car load has to go potty, do not stop at Pancake House. Mrs. Po feel bad that we use restroom there and wants to stay and order pancakes and eat. It’s 20 till 2 in the afternoon and we not really want pancakes, but Mrs. Po feel bad so we get into argument outside of Pancake House. She take over driving and she not happy. Her foot become heavy on accelerator.
We see signs for Tyson’s Corner but not want to go to Tyson’s Corner. We change voice from Susie to Lori on GPS because Susie quit talking to us. We realize later that Susie upset with us because we are morons.
Travel okay for a while, then Kelly read instructions from her print out. For some unknown reason, Mrs. Po want her to check those directions with Mrs. Po’s reverse directions used on the way south. Ms Kelly cannot read reverse directions in back of car and prefers not to mix things up. Just as discussion get good about directions, Lori on GPS start telling us to bear left, then bear right, then take left exit. This not easy when traveling 75mph and Mrs. Po being in bad mood because of Pancake House lav stop. Then Lori say, make “U” turn when we can – and she repeat this a number of times. Then she say go 800 yards, bear right, then bear left, and take right exit. (Master Po wonder how Lori see bears on road from satellite) - Mrs. Po find herself stopped between large 5- lane highway and exit ramp, facing huge metal barrier smack in front of us. Panic set in. But we see another sign for Tyson’s Corner.
Master Po try to help. He reach dash area to put 4-way flashers on (large trucks on 5 lane road not afraid of collision with small SUV especially hitting one from the rear as it is stopped) BUT Master Po hit 4-wheel Drive button instead. Mrs. Po realize this is not good and reach quickly to get SUV back into 2-wheel mode. She hit volume on radio instead and loud oldie music break eardrums of all three people in car. Lori on GPS now talking over loud radio music start giving more commands. We shut her off. Lesson 3: GPS stand for Getting Pissed Soon.
With flashers working we back up then take 50-50 chance and bear right on 5 lane highway. Mistake – wrong way - and we pay $1.75 toll to get off road. We try to change directions without Lori yelling at us. We see Tyson’s corner sign and then pay small $.75 fee to get back on road.
It now 5:20 and we must get Ms. Kelly Po to airport before 6:00pm. Panic set in again, and we see more signs for Tyson’s Corner. Mrs. Po make the first of 8,250 apologies to Kelly Po.
We turn around and find ourselves paying huge $5.75 toll to stay on road for only a matter of minutes. Toll payment does work and we get Kelly to airport on time. As we leave airport we pay another $1.75 toll but we not upset because we are now relaxed and looking for place to pee. And we realize large tolls are needed to remove dead bears from busy road.
We see more signs for Tyson’s Corner and we learn lesson #4: Tyson’s Corner is not a corner at all. It is a wide circle that go on forever and like Hotel California, you take any exit you want, but you can never leave.