Heart Catheterization #4 – May 12, 2014
Early departure go smoothly till we enter UPMC parking garage at Altoona Hospital. Master Po push button and arm rise to allow us passage into garage, but no ticket come out of automated gizmo. Master Po continue through, thinking he will deal with ticket problem later. He not want to cause traffic jam behind our car.
This not a good choice for Mrs. Po however. I answer her numerous grilling questions from the passenger seat about what I might be doing wrong. “Did you press this, that, there, the star button, the “help” button? Are you sure the ticket didn’t fall on ground? Did (get this one) the wind blow the ticket away? Did a voice come over the speaker to offer assistance? What are we going to do now? How are we going to get back out? What if we’re stuck here and they won’t let us out? I sure hope we don’t have to stay here all night and into tomorrow or longer.”
She apparently think we park at Hotel California, where you can check out anytime you want, but you can never leave. Then again, she may be worried she’s being kidnapped by Boko Haram, the leader of the militant muslin group in Nigeria who enjoy kidnapping women and selling them off as young brides.
She make Master Po nervous wreck before we even park car. I feel like rescheduling catheterization for another time and instead having hospital personnel look for ulcers in my colon instead – uneasy digestive tract sensations soon follow. Master Po need anxiety pill before we even register at desk.
After changing into hospital gown (better known as gigantic bib with no back – used to eat ribs at all you can eat buffet), nurse give Master Po I.V. in arm. Nurse not have smooth time placing I.V. in correct location and it feel more like ivy stem, growing into arm. Soon afterward, I notice calm feeling come over Master Po, and I assume some kind of miracle drug is being administered into veins. I asked what is going into my arm and tell nurse I feel so comfy and relaxed. She tell me nothing except glucose going into vein, so I assume my relaxed feeling must be due to prayer said over me by hospital pastoral lady. Either way, whatever it was, it did work, and I feel awesome euphoria.
Euphoria is short lived however as I go into prep room. There I discover that Clarissa (nurse from my last heart cath) has been replaced by Kevin. (To learn about previous heart cath and Clarissa, please switch over to this link http://www.pospeek.com/2012/12/my-heart-catheterization-moving.html )
Kevin is extremely nice guy with genetic characteristics of a hybrid cross between George Costanza and Bob Newhart. He shave Master Po’s groin and joke that now I’m ready to wear my speedo at the beach for the summer. Odd how quickly anxiety return to Master Po without Clarissa doing prep. I worry with another male getting so close to private body parts. Fortunately, no issues occur with Kevin or his electric shaver.
As I receive next drug, I realize what true euphoria is! I go out like light and awake with Dianna giving me directions. “Don’t move your head,” she say with authority. Trouble is, Master Po not hear well, so I raise head to look closely at her to learn what she’s saying. “Don’t raise your head,” she repeat.
Then, just as she tells Master Po to not move right leg, or to not try to sit up, she yell for the third time, “Don’t move your head!!!! “ With third command, she push forehead down hard so whole head hit pillow with force of 100 G’s.
With post op time completed, Master Po discharged soon afterward. Funny, only symptom I have other than sore groin from incision is violent head ache. Nurses say that is not unusual, and Master Po know why – with nurses like Dianna, you better listen or she’ll make you listen. If you don’t listen, be prepared to suffer with brutal headache.
Leaving parking garage, we learn that ALL PATRONS have parking ticket issues that morning and exit arm is kept in “up” position to allow cars to depart from garage. We both relieved that Mrs. Po was not held for ransom, although I think she secretly was hoping to find younger man to marry in militant scheme. If she get real desperate, I will introduce her to Kevin.