Just Another Day
– Morning 12/29/13 to morning 12/30/13
After morning cup of coffee Master Po always brush teeth and rinse mouth well. He worry about breath odor as he and Mrs. Po head to church Sunday morning. He never want to make others feel uncomfortable around him in such close quarters so he begin to pop a few breath mints into mouth as he drive to services.
WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! Some mints have artificial sweeteners which MAY CAUSE GAS!
The drive to church is about 12 miles away and mild discomfort start before we enter building. Hard to distinguish problems with Master Po cause he also suffer (and I do mean suffer) with irritable bowel syndrome, ulcerative colon and diverticulitis (when POUCHES form in large intestine – also know in ancient Aborigine language as Marsupial-itis).
Condition go from mild to moderate pain as we enter church. Keep in mind, church is a Catholic service, and one kneels down in prayer before service actually starts. This awkward position of body facilitate discomfort very quickly, and to retard urges gets more and more difficult to do. Also, Master Po not have to tell readers that he pray for relief and not much else during this kneeling position.
Prayers do not work and pain goes from moderate to severe in about 15 minutes. You might ask here, did Master Po stop inserting fresh wintergreen mints into mouth at this time? Answer, No – he slow learner and is still trying to ascertain (ass-er-tain) if Marsupials are nesting in his colon.
Plans to eat breakfast at Spring House Restaurant and stop by for groceries after church are aborted quickly as Master Po try to navigate up steep hill toward parked car. With cheeks passionately squeezed together, he swear he feel and see two small possums and one baby kangaroo jump out of his pants and seek shelter in alley. Meanwhile, Mrs. Po, always quick to react to emergencies, is talking with fellow parish members as they exchange well wishes for the New Year. This not her fault that she not aware of Master Po’s extreme discomfort. She never suffer with colon disorders and is way too smart to eat two full packs of breath mints sweetened with a volatile mixture of TNT, Uranium 238 and corn syrup.
True Christmas miracle occur as Master Po somehow make it home and into bathroom. He spend rest of afternoon on couch, under blanket, staying close to bathroom door. While watching football games, he think he see platypus and koala trying to climb under blanket with him, but Mrs. Po say I only hallucinating from dehydration, lack of food and swollen colon pouches. She right, and I fall asleep without invasion of more Australian animals.
Next morning we try again. We drive for Master Po’s blood test at Nason Hospital. (Still waiting those results – but nothing found in blood will surprise Master Po). He fully expect positive reading for inhabitants in blood not normally found there.
We eat breakfast without incident, although colon still not normal by any means. We both agree to run into restroom at Wal-Mart in McKee before we shop. I wonder why Mrs. Po fly right by entry door to lav, as I swing right and head in to mens side. Then I see winner of Charles Manson Look-alike Contest, not only standing by ladies lav door, but wearing an employee name tag indicating he was ready to head inside the lav and start cleaning. Mrs. Po immediately spot this character with eyes about to pop out of his head and wisely abort mission to tinkle. Mrs. Po set personal speed record for purchasing groceries this day, and we go home and live happily ever after.