Just Another Day
– Morning 12/29/13 to morning 12/30/13
After morning cup of coffee Master Po always brush teeth and
rinse mouth well. He worry about breath
odor as he and Mrs. Po head to church Sunday morning. He never want to make others feel uncomfortable
around him in such close quarters so he begin to pop a few breath mints into
mouth as he drive to services.
WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!
Some mints have artificial sweeteners which MAY CAUSE GAS!
The drive to church is about 12 miles away and mild
discomfort start before we enter building.
Hard to distinguish problems with Master Po cause he also suffer (and I
do mean suffer) with irritable bowel syndrome, ulcerative colon and
diverticulitis (when POUCHES form in large intestine – also know in ancient Aborigine
language as Marsupial-itis).
Condition go from mild to moderate pain as we enter church.
Keep in mind, church is a Catholic service, and one kneels down in prayer
before service actually starts. This awkward position of body facilitate
discomfort very quickly, and to retard urges gets more and more difficult to do. Also, Master Po not have to tell readers that
he pray for relief and not much else during this kneeling position.
Prayers do not work and pain goes from moderate to severe in
about 15 minutes. You might ask here,
did Master Po stop inserting fresh wintergreen mints into mouth at this
time? Answer, No – he slow learner and
is still trying to ascertain (ass-er-tain) if Marsupials are nesting in his colon.
Plans to eat breakfast at Spring House Restaurant and stop
by for groceries after church are aborted quickly as Master Po try to navigate
up steep hill toward parked car. With
cheeks passionately squeezed together, he swear he feel and see two small
possums and one baby kangaroo jump out of his pants and seek shelter in
alley. Meanwhile, Mrs. Po, always quick
to react to emergencies, is talking with fellow parish members as they exchange
well wishes for the New Year. This not
her fault that she not aware of Master Po’s extreme discomfort. She never suffer with colon disorders and is
way too smart to eat two full packs of breath mints sweetened with a volatile
mixture of TNT, Uranium 238 and corn syrup.
True Christmas miracle occur as Master Po somehow make it
home and into bathroom. He spend rest of
afternoon on couch, under blanket, staying close to bathroom door. While watching football games, he think he
see platypus and koala trying to climb under blanket with him, but Mrs. Po say
I only hallucinating from dehydration, lack of food and swollen colon pouches. She right, and I fall asleep without invasion
of more Australian animals.
Next morning we try again. We drive for Master Po’s blood
test at Nason Hospital. (Still waiting those results – but nothing found in
blood will surprise Master Po). He fully
expect positive reading for inhabitants in blood not normally found there.
We eat breakfast without incident, although colon still not
normal by any means. We both agree to
run into restroom at Wal-Mart in McKee before we shop. I wonder why Mrs. Po fly right by entry door to lav,
as I swing right and head in to mens side. Then I see
winner of Charles Manson Look-alike Contest, not only standing by ladies lav
door, but wearing an employee name tag indicating he was ready to head inside
the lav and start cleaning. Mrs. Po
immediately spot this character with eyes about to pop out of his head and wisely abort mission to tinkle. Mrs. Po set personal speed record for
purchasing groceries this day, and we go home and live happily ever after.
