Not
since 2015, Chinese year of Sheep has Master Po write story about
true escapades. Believe it or not, I do get requests for new
mis-adventure stories.
Early
Sunday morning, 9/9/18 we head out in Mrs. Po car to Myrtle Beach
S.C. despite storm in Atlantic. Forecasters not sure storm will make
landfall, so we take chance and head to beach. I drive Mrs. Po car, a
Honda CRV which I only ever drive once before.
We
get 3 miles to Loysburg while tropical storm Gordon rain on us, and I
learn CRV stand for Cold Rain Vehicle. I reach up above by rear view
mirror to put on dome light, and I open roof hatch instead. It only
50 degrees out, and Master Po, quick as always, react to get off road
in dark, to fix situation while Mrs. Po scream and try to find
correct button to close roof. Trip not start out very good.
We
stop at Cogo's to get warm coffee and hot tea, where we see
honorable Wayne Feight & Honorable Kevin Grubb there. We worry
they ask where we are headed. We afraid to tell them that two
Pollocks are headed to beach in storm. Sure enough, Kevin ask us.
Thank goodness they not ask why we are so wet.
All go okay
till we stop at McDonald's in VA. We are on wrong road, cause we
fail to make proper turn. We don't blame each other, but Master Po
still driving, and Mrs. Po is giving directions from the passenger
seat. I share blame so we not ruin vacation and want to maintain the
good times we experience thus far.
Truck driver there say
take I 64 east and we look at map. Mrs. Po say while eating egg
McMuffin, “ I won't drive! I won't. I will not drive that road
into downtown Richmond! I REFUSE TO DRIVE!” She further exclaim she "not want to go thru business section of city." Truck driver reassure
it will not take us “downtown.” We settle decision as Master Po
volunteer to continue to drive. Again not want to ruin great vacation
and to preserve good times.
Things going okay but I
now remember, despite many Metamucil doses, that Master Po colon somehow know
we are traveling, and feeling of constipation start to overwhelm
body. My colon know like mind reader that we not at home anymore.
I last 8 hours driving,
pretty good for two artificial heart valves, 15 medications,
constipation and cramping, bad knees & neuropathy-ridden legs. Mrs. Po switch
over driving duties at NC welcome center, where I want to thank lady
for highlighting our route with yellow marker. Mrs. Po stop me
quickly as marker is orange, not yellow.
Here we are, with Florence still out to sea.
We get to beach in 13
hours, not bad since it rain for 75% of trip. People moving slowly -
southerners rather drown or get blown away rather than give up
vacation days. We join them with lackadaisical attitude...NO ONE seem
to CARE ABOUT FLORENCE!
We stop at walmart where
we buy alcohol , 1 dozen doughnuts, and orange juice to mix with more Metamucil so I can poop. Always thinking to eat and drink in healthy
manner.
Monday Morning at pool:
I
realize I forget to pack swimming trunks, so have to wear old gym
shorts instead. Mrs. Po did say at house, she did not pack trunks,
but I forget too quickly and did not pack them. Or maybe I just not hear her, which is highly likely.
Only alcohol purchased
from pool-side bar permitted but that not stop Master Po from
sneaking it to “lazy river” and pool area in Yeti (given to me as gift from daughter Amy & son in law). It called
lazy river because it shallow, and move very slow. So while on inner
tube, one can just float down current and relax. I see many others
floating with drinks in their hands and no one seems to be alarmed.
Of course all patrons are old like us and no one cares. I keep my
Yeti next to chair so I not spill contents in water. Good thing, Too! I fall out of inner tube while trying to get in. Have to be
rescued by lady next to me. When I get up and out of water, I
realize she much older than me, and have no trouble getting in and
out of tube. That not make me very happy, and when I get out,I reach for Yeti. I warn Mrs. Po about impending entrapment in the tube.
Sure enough, man have to rescue her too. We laugh and have good time,
again not wanting to ruin great vacation – letting the good times
continue to roll.
I soon talk to another
old lady next to us, and am amazed how spry she is for much
older-age, than mine. Later I discover she six years younger, and
realize I much older than I think at times.
Not want to risk falling
out of tube again, I sit in the kiddie fountain to cool off.
Thankful no kiddies are around so I not frighten young children.
I talk loud cause I
can't hear:
I
ask Mrs. Po if I look like large man sitting in lounge chair by pool.
I notice my fingers start to burn horribly as I catch hell from
loving wife. She say that since I cannot whisper, she advise me to keep my
mouth shut.
So,
I strike up conversation with man from Ohio while in pool across from Mrs. Po. And Mrs. Po hear
every word of our conversation. She teach me lesson that I do talk
too loud. And I do not argue, she prove her point – plus I want to
keep good times rolling.
My cold drinks start
working and Master Po have to pee. Mrs. po want to read in sun, but
Master Po want to go back up to room. I tell her I'm hot and need AC, but afraid
to tell her I have to pee, cause I talk too loud and don't want to
announce to patrons that I have to go right now. She not happy that I don't
wait for her. She afraid of going up elevator alone. I manage to get
up there in time, and she join me and we have late lunch, while enjoying the awesome,
clear, hot weather of S. Carolina.
Late Monday afternoon
Still NO ONE CARE ABOUT
FLORENCE.
We go back to beach and lazy river and pool. At 4:30 we get mandatory evacuation notice to
be out by noon next day. Governor not give much warning.
At 5:00, Master Po asked
by young Czech student, going to school at Prague Univ to help close
her ice cream and Italian ice stand. Not want to show her that I can
barely get of chair, so Mrs. Po volunteer to help. She say, “I
think I'll need your husband's help because you might not be strong
enough.” So, Master Po show much chivalry as he take five minutes
to get out of chair and hobble over to help. Mrs. Po offer to help
steady my body, but I turn down assistance so as to not look too feeble. I only pull 3 muscles, and strain all joints in arms and legs to give assistance. We learn poor girl was worried and almost crying because of
evacuation. We help her locate proper desk and ph number for
assistance. We hope to hear from her to see how she's doing.
Photo taken by Anna, Czech student - storm still no where in sight. Master Po gym shorts in plain view.
Coming back:
I finally poop Tuesday morning. Actually
we enjoy the one day at beach – even though it take 13 hours to get
there and 12 to return. Coming home, Master Po only miss one turn
and we drive thru little town called Warsaw, VA. We enjoy seeing
other Polish drivers there and realize we're not the only Pollocks on
the road. I, notice too, that there are black Pollocks in town. I never knew they existed before - never too old to learn new facts. Very nice little town.
We also feel honored and
humbled that we see river named for us as we travel N. on I95. We
see signs for Po River. They must have heard about us from past
mis-adventure when we travel to beach.
This photo from Italy - Master Po only see Po River Road sign in VA. No other photo available, but Po River does exist. Honorable Sabrina Will will testify.
Also I see signs for Mt.
Misery, and quickly surmise that it named for disgruntled
honeymooners who spend weekend there in 1912. They apparently not
enjoy each other like Master Po and Mrs. Po do.
Mrs. Po take over driving
and it's dark, on way back. She point out front window and say, “It's
wet here,” And I ask, “A white heron?” thinking, what is white
heron doing on this road? Yes, Master Po not hear well, but we are
safe and sound. And Master Po feel blessed having Mrs. Po around. We not even upset that we cut vacation short. We just happy we safe and happy we have each other. The End.