Some Stories Are Best Left Untold...
and this might be one of them.
A few months ago, I was relating an old teaching story to my daughter Kelly and her husband. At the conclusion of the tale, there was a moment of dead silence, where neither listener reacted much at all. Of course, I thought the narrative was hilarious and I felt a tad awkward when neither my daughter nor her husband shared my enthusiasm regarding the tale.
Following what seemed like an eternity, my daughter proclaimed, "Maybe some stories are best left untold." And you know, after I thought about it, she was probably correct. But, that has never stopped me before and it won't stop me here and now from revealing yet another true story in my accumulation of life experiences.
August of 1976
Following our June wedding, our honeymoon at Myrtle Beach, and another trip to the Maryland shore, I enrolled in a graduate class at Shippensburg University. I thought it would be an awesome idea to bring my new bride along with me, so we included payment for an extra person so our lodging and meals would be covered - kind of like a superfluous honeymoon.
After supper one evening, I had to go to the library and my wife tagged along. Always an avid reader, she thought she could easily find something to occupy her time while I attended to some assigned classwork.
No clue what came over me...
As my wife sat down at a table, I made a turn down a neighboring isle of shelved books, where I spotted a phonograph headset, popular during that era. It had a coiled cord attached and a plug at the other end.
Without hesitation (and without thought, I might add), I placed the set over my head covering both ears. And I pretended to insert the other end into my behind. Yes, you read that correctly. I placed the plug-in end around my waist and tucked high up between my thighs, close to my buttocks. I was somewhat surprised that it remained in that position, thus freeing up both arms and both hands.
My attempt at being funny
With my arms free, and pretending music was coming through the headset, I began to dance around the book shelf on my way back to the table where my wife was sitting. Yes, you read that correctly, too. I figured, what the heck - I might as well go all out in my attempt to prove that her new husband was truly a once-in-a-life time, comical catch.
My surprise, not hers
Eyes half closed, and groovin to the fake music, I boogied around the end of the shelves with my arms raised high in the air. It was then that I discovered that my wife was nowhere to be seen. It was as if Siegfried and Roy made her disappear. And their grand finale magical trick was to substitute the evening librarian in place of my wife. Again, you read that correctly.
The librarian didn't miss a beat and without so much as a nanosecond of hesitation, she uttered, "That had been broken. Did you get it to work?"
Back to the title
So, what do you think? Are some stories better left untold? And if so, is this one of them?
